What is hunger?

This morning i slept in, slept threw my two morning classes, slept threw my alarm, slept threw my cat dancing on my back, slept threw my family all waking up and moving around the house, slept threw it all. I guess I'm just exhausted, because its not like me to fall into a coma, usually i wake regularly during the night, ill smoke out my window, walk around my house or comb the cat. But i do feel better now, having come around from twelve hours of blissful unconsciousness.

I want to talk a bit about hunger, because its something that occupies most of my waking thoughts. Everything i do is driven by a hunger, hunger for something undefined, something illusive something that in a lifetime of craving it, I've never gotten close enough to it to get any satisfaction.

Its the truth behind the anxiety, the binges, the restriction and the hollowness that craves comfort. Its the root of the depressive episode, the insomnia and the pain. Its the reason why food is tasteless, why i can never live in the now (because the next thing that happens will be better), its why i never feel full, complete, like a whole person.

Hunger is everything when your strong, like a badge of honour it tells you that your succeeding, that your elite, that your above the rest of the world because you have will power and you are in total control. When you feel like that hunger is addictive, you breath it in and bath in its analgesic presence. It validates all that you are, and offers the promise of even more success.

However the opposite is also true. When your failing, eating, binging, when your out of control, hunger taunts you, knowing only too well that your too weak and pathetic to put up any serious defense against it. It owns you. It takes from you without remorse, forcing you to your knees and shattering your self worth as it decimates all the progress you've made.

Hunger, in either form, is constant. In a world where nothing is certain or guaranteed, hunger is all i can really depend on, and at times, i find it difficult to differentiate between any other physical feeling and that of hunger, because to me hunger takes on all shapes and forms, and elicits such a wide range of responses , it becomes everything.