I'm cold, its gotten under my skin, into my veins, ice-water pulsing around my body. I'm numb again today, numb to hunger, to the intense cold, to my emptiness and mostly to myself. I'm a passive observer of myself. I comment, observe and heavily criticize. Silly girl, your too fat to wear that new dress, too ugly to buy that make-up, too stupid to be in college, too selfish to have any friends, too fucking fat to have a boyfriend.
If I'm not screaming at myself, its ana roaring over the pain. Volumes rise and fall, but always her voice penetrates threw the layers of pain and guilt that are wrapped around me, insulating me from the world. Her voice is steady, its strong, the kind of strenght you have to admire and respect. Don't eat that, careful now, avoid them, listen to me..... and on it goes.
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